The typical feature/scenario that you should look at is performance and speed.
No matter what the white papers say, ultimately you need to benchmark and decide for yourself.
I am biased towards IBM, because I worked there a few years ago. I didn't personally deal with jvm development, but I remember that the emphasis of the jvm development group was on the following points:
- Proprietary garbage collection optimizations. This includes not only faster GC, but also more configuration options, like GC for server and client. This was before Sun offered similar options.
- Much faster (x10) native performance with the JNI interface. This was particularly important at the time when Eclipse/WSAD began to gain traction and swt was heavily used. If your app uses JNI a lot, then I think it's worth while for you to benchmark the IBM jdk against the Sun jdk.
- Stability and reliability. I think this is only relevant if you buy commercial support from IBM, like SLA for a service tier (WebSphere and db2, clustered environment, etc.). In this case, IBM will guaranty the stability of their offering only if you use their jvm.
Regarding OpenJDK, I recommend that you look at this history of OpenJDK. My understanding is that OpenJDK 7 will be almost identical to Sun's jdk 7, so the performance is very likely to be identical. The primary differences will be licensing, and small components like webstart.
Oracle's jvm is useful if you want to run java code from within your database (via stored-procedure). It includes some optimizations that help the db run faster in this scenario.
As others have said, Sun has been catching up on their competitors. I think that in the 1.4 days the differences were much more noticeable, but no so much today. Regarding jvisualvm, other vendors also offer similar tools, so I don't think that is an issue.
Finally, there is one other metric (albeit a bit controversial) to indicate how serious are those vendors about their VM's. That is the number of related patents that they issue. It might be useful if you need to convince your boss, or if you like to read patents :)
Patent search: ibm and java - 4559 patents.
Patent search: oracle and java - 323.